Editor’s note: As a result of this post, I’ve received inquiries from authors planning to write or in the process of writing about this particular subject. This stage of writing typically requires book coaching or developmental editing. However, my specialties are line editing and copyediting. I’ll be more than happy to refer you to experienced developmental editors in my team/network and help you with line editing and copyediting once developmental editing is completed.
As an alternative, I’m considering offering book coaching/developmental editing for a limited time and limited number of authors at a reduced rate as part of my training to become a nonfiction book coach. Please contact me for availability.
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With the current explosion of self-publishing, digital content, and social media and nonfiction sales far outnumbering fiction, there has never been a better time to jump on the creative bandwagon for authors and content creators with an important real-life message to share with the world.
If you have gone through abuse, trauma, or mental health challenges, it’s time to take back your power and empower others. Turn your pain into gain. More than just earning profits from book sales or social media following, publishing your story will hopefully help you get the validation you deserve and give other survivors the same. Targets and survivors are often written off as too weak or too stupid to stay in abusive situations, but abuse dynamics are much more complex, contrary to popular belief.
Not all cases of abuse are physical or sexual in nature—after all, sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse. Emotional or psychological abuse, though subtle, causes just as much or even more damage. This is often seen in narcissistic abuse. Sadly, targets are often unaware until after the fact.
I’ve chosen to publish this blog post on the annual World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD) on June 1. WNAAD is a movement that aims to educate the public on the negative impact of Cluster B personality disorders: narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD, often associated with psychopathy or sociopathy), and borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Fellow survivors, considering the state of the world (look no further than current events!), we need more storytellers, messengers, and educators to seize this teaching and teachable moment.
As targets and survivors, we must create more awareness for this oft-misunderstood and invisible but widespread problem and mental health in general. Should you choose to publish your story, it’s critically important to take precautions and to work with professionals in improving your writing craft and getting the best book editing, design, and marketing you can afford to earn credibility while tugging at the readers’ heartstrings at the same time. Who knows—traditional publishers might pick up your quality material one day! Believe it or not, traditional publishers can and do acquire previously self-published books in some situations. I’m an advocate for self-publishing when it’s done correctly, but wouldn’t it wonderful to see the Big Five and their big PR machines release books specifically related to narcissistic abuse or Cluster B abuse?
At this time, narcissistic abuse is still considered a niche subject. Based on my Google and Amazon search, self-help books and memoirs covering this topic are mostly self-published or released by indie and hybrid publishers.
Unfortunately, with some exceptions, many self-published books in this niche don’t make the editorial cut in my professional opinion, so I can’t recommend them.
Reading Recommendations
To get some ideas of the styles you’d like to emulate in your writing and to further study autobiographical techniques, here’s a list of book recommendations for inspiration (and consternation at the same time, surprisingly enough!):
Traditional Publishers
Leigh Stein, Land of Enchantment (Plume/Penguin Random House, 2016)
This is also in standard novel style with some personal essay-type musings and internet communication thrown into the mix on abuse and mental health struggles. There isn’t an explicit mention of any personality disorder, but the author’s deceased ex-abuser might have been a sociopath based on his behavior and her pretty telling chapter title (“The Gaslight Diner”).
Leslie Morgan Steiner, Crazy Love (St. Martin’s Press/Macmillan, 2009)
This is a conventional account of domestic violence with overt physical abuse in standard novel narrative style. There’s no specific mention of a specific personality disorder other than the author’s passing comment on her (now ex-) husband being a psychopath, but it’s possible that he was/is a sociopath based on the description.
The back matter of the book has resources and discussions on domestic violence, though they barely scratch the surface. If Steiner knew about Cluster B abuse, she could have given a more intensive treatment on the subject. However, it’s good enough to spark a conversation.
Jen Waite, A Beautiful, Terrible Thing: A Memoir of Marriage and Betrayal (Plume, 2017)
So far, this is probably the only traditionally published book that directly mentions psychopathy or sociopathy and one related Cluster B personality disorder, incorrectly referred to as antisocial personality disorders, which should be singular. This is one of the errors that unfortunately spoils the reading experience. Fact checking seems to be missing in the copyediting phase. Other errors include basic grammatical snafus in Spanish. It shouldn’t be difficult at all for a major NYC publishing house to find native Spanish speakers in one of the largest cosmopolitan cities of the US to assist in editing.
Although Waite’s effort to create awareness of personality disorders is commendable, her writing is rather weak. As she’s also a novelist, I expect more fluidity and facility from her. Her descriptions of events are rather juvenile. She won’t get brownie points from Stephen King for her overuse of adverbs either.
Tara Westover, Educated (Random House, 2018)
It’s no surprise that the book hits the number one spot on the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Boston Globe best seller list. Educated is a stunningly horrific yet beautiful account of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse at the hands of a possibly paranoid and schizophrenic father and psychopathic brother while growing up in a survivalist Mormon family in the mountains of Idaho. Against all odds, Westover managed to earn a PhD.
There is no explicit mention of any personality disorders in this book, but survivors and general readers alike can easily spot the overt pathological interactions and techniques such as gaslighting in the narrative.
Other Traditionally Published Books
Evening Ransom, writer and content creator specializing in narcissistic abuse and trauma awareness, reviews traditionally published memoirs on narcissistic family dynamics:
Hybrid Publisher
Diane Pomerantz, Lost in the Reflecting Pool (She Writes Press, 2017)
If you have to pick just one abuse memoir, this is it. This is probably the only well-written and reasonably well-edited memoir outside self-publishing I’ve found so far that specifically discusses NPD. In true full-on romance novel form, the author describes the abuse cycle and Cluster B abuse and manipulation techniques and characteristics: love bombing, triangulation, devaluation, discard, narcissistic injury, and narcissistic rage. Aside from the commendable writing and editing (though a few copyediting “errors” are probably stylistic choices), I highly recommend this book because of the author’s background. She is a psychologist caught unawares by her malignant narcissistic psychiatrist (now ex-) husband. The prologue, one of the most triggering parts (particularly for animal lovers), hints at his killing the neighborhood cat.
Indie Publishers
Carmen Maria Machado, In the Dream House (Graywolf Press, 2019)
A harrowing, mind-blowing account of something resembling narcissistic abuse in a same-sex relationship, this proves to be a doozy with a mash-up of genres: all-in-one personal essays, third-person novel narration, and Choose Your Own Adventure. Abuse knows no labels, however. Survivors and abusers come from all backgrounds, as many members in support groups or abuse recovery groups can attest.
Here is my short review of the book.
At this time, she’s working on a second book on healing from trauma.
Narcissism and Psychopathy at the Global Level
Integral to the abuse recovery process is addressing the patterns and conditioning of the unconscious mind. Use this as an opportunity for spiritual awakening and seeing how the dynamics of abuse play out on a global scale. This involves challenging the belief in authority (i.e., government) and recognizing the striking similarities between narcissistic abuse and government. One of my interviews with Larken Rose, an internationally known author and speaker in the freedom movement, goes into further detail on the subject.
Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths—and How We Can Stop! by Bill Eddy offers a great glimpse into the issue. However, it appears that he doesn’t go as far as Rose in doing away with the belief in authority, not being fully aware that authority is inherently narcissistic and psychopathic.
Other Resources
Rachael Herron, Fast-Draft Your Memoir: Write Your Life Story in 45 Hours
Tackling a large (and also emotional) project is not easy, but in a lighthearted, humorous way, Rachael Herron lays out the game plan to organize and outline your memoir faster with less frustration and overwhelm. Writers of all levels and genres will find her tips and tricks useful. There are also a few pointers on publishing options toward the end of the book.
Mary Karr, The Art of Memoir
The elder stateswoman of the craft/genre analyzes excerpts of well-written popular memoirs and literary classics. She also offers useful tips on memoir writing. Among them are using the “carnal” five senses for vivid descriptions, dealing with the unreliability and fuzziness of memory, and staying authentic to yourself and the story (i.e., zero-tolerance policy on BS).
However, parts of the book seem more like book reviews or a memoir on writing a memoir than a how-to book. To add more to the confusion, Karr shares her random ramblings in over-your-head, highfalutin language intermingled with her colorful colloquialism (including some profanity) and regionalism. I have absolutely no problem with the latter, but the former muddles up her audience. Is she addressing the MFA crowd, or is she writing for the general public?
Many abuse and trauma survivors want to share their stories, but the majority of them are writing newbies or even nonwriters, so I recommend Karr’s book with reservations. Her sophisticated diction may alienate first-timers, though she, as a survivor herself, encourage others to write about their experiences.
Tristine Rainer, Your Life as Story: Discovering the “New Autobiography” and Writing Memoir as Literature
One of the top picks by editors, writing coaches, and authors alike, this go-to guide on memoir writing has chapters on trauma (“Tricks Memory Plays on You and Tricks You Can Play on It” and “Dealing with Your Dark Side”). Included are exercises (writing prompts) to jog your memory and get you in the habit of writing.
Abuse and Trauma Recovery Coaches and Counselors
My recommendations below are specifically some Cluster B abuse recovery professionals who are also authors and content creators in their own right.
Angela (Angie) Atkinson
Angie is no stranger in the online recovery community for narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. She is also one of the expert panelists/speakers in WNAAD. I’m glad to be a part of her content creation project and her SPANily. (For the uninitiated, SPAN stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissism.) Drawing from her experience as an author, journalist, and survivor, she shares tips on overcoming abuse and becoming a successful full-time writer at the same time.
A. J. successfully recovered from BPD and survived a Cluster B family of origin (NPD/ASPD father and NPD/BPD mother). She also has several books under her belt.
Kris is a former actress turned licensed professional counselor providing support and advice in a humorous, entertaining, irreverent way. She’s a big proponent of writing books on abuse. She has written books on her abuse experience. Oh, and one of her book titles is pretty darn funny: You Can Lead a Horse to Water, But You Can’t Make ‘Em Cha-Cha.
Special Mention
I’d be remiss to not mention that Debi is the author of a best-selling book—traditionally published, no less!
Trauma-Informed Writing Coaches and Ghostwriters
I am loosely adopting the clinical term trauma informed for the purpose of identifying writing coaches who are familiar with the subject, having lived through the experience themselves.
Jennifer has a strong track record of writing best sellers—often stories of overcoming trauma, challenges, and struggles—for clients.
At the time of writing, she’s working on rebranding her website, so it’s best to reach out to her at the link above.
Kati offers one-on-one trauma writing coaching by Zoom or in person when possible in addition to trauma writing classes and presentations for faculty.
Shell is a writing coach, voice discovery coach, ghostwriter, and developmental editor. She has a soft spot for working with survivors and overcomers of faith.
Useful Links
A developmental editor and writer muses on the pitfalls of writing about abuse and gives a short list of online communities for female memoirists focusing on abuse.
Over to You
PPS Writers and editors, if you have experience in this niche and have some writing, editing, and publishing tips to share (links to your existing blog posts or articles), I’d truly appreciate them. I’ll include them in my future blog updates. I’ll be sure to pass them on to my readers, though I’m still building my readership. Let me know if you’re interested in blogging collaboration on this topic.
This article is amazing…Thank you!!!
Thank you!
I’m just beginning to brainstorm my autobiography as a newbie writer. I don’t feel confident as a writer so can you refer me to a ghost writer please?
For more info, here’s my interview with a ghostwriter:
http://thelanguageagent.com/working-with-a-ghostwriter/
Here’s another link on finding publishing professionals who can help you:
http://thelanguageagent.com/why-fiverr-and-upwork-suck-for-book-editing/
Ghostwriting requires a lot of investment in time, money, and energy, so if you’re prepared for it, more power to you! A somewhat more affordable option is to work with a writing coach or a developmental editor. Developmental editors are also writing coaches, and you do need developmental editing for longer works such as autobiographies and memoirs. Developmental editing focuses on the big picture (structure, content, organization, theme, etc.).
Keep in mind that an autobiography isn’t the same thing as a memoir. An autobiography covers a person’s entire life, while a memoir covers specific significant life events with a lesson or message for the audience. It’s thematic and more emotional. An autobiography is more historical and in chronological order. A memoir has more flexibility, so it allows you to be more creative.
I’ll be happy to help you with line editing and copyediting once developmental editing is done.
Wishing you all the best in your writing endeavors!